Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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