So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
