So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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