Im at strip club and am horny
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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