is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
