I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
