i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
