my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what day is it and did you see me today?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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