"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
