I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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