You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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