So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
