i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
