So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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