I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
