may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
