and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
