Kiss
Puke
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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