that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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