i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
