had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
