I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
