addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
