the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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