She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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