Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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