we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
