do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
