Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
