Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize