what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
