omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
