eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize