i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
