My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ladies don't puke and tell
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
