so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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