That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
