they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
