Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
one might say we're banned from that church
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
