well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
