he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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