At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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