I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
