I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
