Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
