DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
