I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize