Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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