How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
