you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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