I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize