Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
