i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
