Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i think i just lost a toe
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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