I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
