Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
