I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
