omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
