Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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