I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
