Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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