If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
