I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
