Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come share oat with me in your robe
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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