Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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