hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
