He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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