Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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