i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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