my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
