My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
