There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize