Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
