I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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