don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
