would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i barfeds in our rink
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize