I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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