He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
