why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
