OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
how drunk are you?
Several
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
